Damian knows this attraction to Nightwing, to Dick, is bad. Unhealthy. Sick. Twisted. Dick has practically raised him. He is his big “brother”. He would never reciprocate. And if he found out, he would never understand. He would be disgusted. feel defiled. Never talk to him again. And the thought makes Damian feel sick to his stomach. Disgusted by something he has no control over, but that he should.
He has tried to find other fixations. other people; male or female.Bbut no one interests him like Grayson does. When he gets older he starts to have a reputation; for being a slut, for being a tease. Side effects of trying to fix what is wrong with him. And he can’t talk to anyone about it: Dick is his best friend. Anyone who he could possibly talk to he doesn’t trust, he knows they wouldn’t understand, they would be mortified and spout his secrets to the world.
When Dick talks to him about his rumored “promiscuity”, Damian tried to explain that he wasn’t interested in anyone, none of them, but he was trying. And Dick pats his leg and replies with a “you’ll find someone, someday, don’t worry.” And Damian doesn’t know what is worse. The fact that he already has, or the thought that he never will. And it hurts. Hurts in a way that Damian can’t explain, that won’t heal, that can’t be stitched up. It feels like swallowing hot coals. The way he burns with shame, the way he needs Dick. The fear of anyone suspecting, of being found out, the fear of being stuck in this feeling. And it lasts for years, keeping every touch, cherishing very smile. Hyper focusing on the mission because there is literally nothing else.
He puts effort into his appearance because even though he won’t reciprocate, its nice to be desired. It makes him feel powerful, in a silly, shallow way, with every shopgirl giggle and every longing stare. He likes to think he has the option.
After years it just seems to be a apart of him. it’s easier to ignore. He has gotten so good at pretending that sometimes he even tricks himself. and if he occasionally dreams of Dick? of cuddling on the couch, Dick whispering into his ear, of lips locked with his, hands grasping. Sweet dreams, dirty dreams, waking up from either one feels nice until he remembers his reality, and then he feels sick. But it was just a dream, nothing he could control, the mind does weird things.
I kinda wanted to go with a demisexial Damian. Damian is so locked out everyone and has so few friends, of course he would fall in love with Nightwing, and of course he wouldn’t acknowledge it and he fixates on his attraction to him and doesn’t really understand what is going on.
Consider the possibilities.
The first rule of Wayne Manor quickly becomes do not trust a recorded voice. Tim spends all night running errands for Bruce, but when he gets back, Bruce asks where he’s been. Dick teaches Damian how to prank call and Jason gets a message from Roy:
"Hey I’m on this case and there’s this weird chanting, do you recognize it?"
"Okay let me hear."
"DAMIAN I SWEAR TO FRICK."
Alfred walks into the kitchen and hears Bruce ranting about how terrible of a father he is. It’s not Bruce. It’s Damian. Bruce is standing next to him. “Alright, you’ve made your point.” Damian doesn’t like Dick’s new girlfriend? Suddenly, they’ve broken up and Dick didn’t make that call?? And WHO keeps drunk dialing the boys at Steph’s school she’s getting a reputation dammit!
Dickdami team-up cartoon
- Dickdami team-up animated movie
Dickdami team-up live action
- Dickdami team-up comic
Dickdami team-up video game